Realizations.

In order not to get fucked by anyone, completely anyone, anymore I have some ways. Not to be a whining bitch or anything but people dont really appreciate the things that I've done to/for them. And I, Aqilah Hamdan, will never be good enough to anyone really. Whatever stuffs that I do, are never gonna be anywhere near "good enough". No matter how hard I try, still, not. good. enough. It doesnt really matter in what ways of playing my part. Whether it be being a good daughter or sister, being an understanding friend, or a patient lover. My contribution, my sacrifices, my benefaction, and anything like it won't ever be appreciated. The worst part is that, I dont get the same thing in return. Okay, maybe Im starting to sound like a whining bitch now. Anyway, here are some ways not to get fucked by anyone, anymore.

1. Stop caring about anything/anyone.

The more you care, the more you can get hurt. And that is the motive of this post; to not get hurt or fucked by anyone. If you feel like you're the only one who's trying to have a better relationship with your parents, siblings or your mates, just stop trying to care for awhile and see who else is trying besides you. Or if you can't stop trying, you can always have "the talk" with the particular someone. Dont worry, it wont be long. 1 - 2 minutes will do. Just say things like "You know what, Im done", "Fucking appreciate me okay? Im trying my hardest", or simply say "Fuck this shit. You can do whatever you want now." Things like that will make them think about everything you've done for them, trust me, everything. I've tried all of those lines and they worked. Because you know why? Too often we don't realize what we have until it's gone. Im telling you, just stop caring about anything and anyone. Yes it will be sort of hurtful at first, but... Okay, say "Fuck it" consistently. And constantly. It will be better if you dont care about anything at all.

2. Dont. Ever. Get. Attached.

You dont get attached, you don't get hurt. Simple and easy. If you get attached too easily, you get hurt too quickly. Seems like nearly every girl I date or hook up with, I get attached too. Quickly. And it's just about the only thing that affects me. I can have a shitty day at work, I can lose my wallet, get a flat tire, anything and it won't affect my mood. But girls, seems like they can crush me without even trying.

Here are some examples:

- Went on two dates with a girl named F. We had fun, but theres absolutely no chemistry between us. I didn't even really like the girl. Shes kind of pesisimitic, not very good looking, and dont even have a great body. We held hands. We kissed and neither of us felt anything. But when she decided to break things off, I got a bit upset over it. Two dates!

- Hooked up with a girl named A. We made it clear from the start, it's a purely sexual thing, no feelings attached. Hooked up twice and become "sex buddies". The term that I really hate now. Well, after a few weeks I started thinking about that girl, starting to like her. I told her I have feelings for her, and she ditched me, deleted my number and never talks to me again.

Consciously, I know exactly whats happening; It's just a hook up! I don't even like that girl. But subconsciously, its like my mind is terrified I'll never find a girl, and if I fall for any girl that gives me a relationship, I'll be ok. So I end up falling for any girl; and keep getting hurt because she doesn't return the feelings. Some of my friends call me "Player", "Jerk" and "Asshole" because I have so many sexual relationships. I will not reveal how many I've had. That's personal. I play it off and act cool everytime but the reality is, all those girls ditched me. And it kills me inside. I'm 18, and I can't go through life feeling like this. So next time, mark my words here, I will never, ever get attached with any girl or boy(who knows that someday I might turn straight or bi), because I am so done feeling like shit.

3. Cry. Its okay to do so.

I used to feel ashamed to admit that I actually can cry before but I have discovered something really powerful about letting myself cry; the more I cry, the more more numb I feel. The more feeling-less. More... heartless. I feel absolutely spectacular each time after I cry. I dont know why, somehow I just feel motivated because of something. Its hard to explain it here. Its like, there's something that will whisper some really meaningful motivational words through my mind. Something like that. Words like what I deserve better or how I can be more confident with myself or even make the reason why Im crying seems pointless. It doesnt make sense, does it? Well, that's the best explanation I could think of right now. Maybe some of you people can understand it. Or none. If none, Im not even surprised.

4. Never listen to your heart.

How many times have you heard phrases that give advice like “listen to your heart” or “follow your heart” and so on? Loads. Let me tell you something. Those cliche phrases are all bullshits. They aren't even anywhere near true. Doing things according to what does your heart say will only make you do stupid things. And stupid things are done by stupid people. Dont, be stupid. This also applies to your instinct. They'd only make you commit some infinite stupidity actions. Never trust them. If your heart/instinct makes you feel like you have to do something, do the fucking opposite. Think! Use your brain. And use it well. You can always trust any outcome from it. Believe me. Now it sounds like Im giving advice on how to not look stupid. Sorry, got a bit carried away.

Now noobs, if you follow these simple steps, I will ensure you that nothing can ever hurt you or make you feel like shit anymore. Isnt that everyone's dream, no?

ps : Dont hate me for being a cold-hearted bastard. You should hate that one person who made me this way. Could be my mum. Could be some girl.

Some of you guys would question this; If you're heartless, then what's up with your previous post?! I.. Well... No comment?

Realizations.

Tomorrowland.

Lessons learnt.